Accept no substitutes. Might or might not be twitchy, unreliable-looking. All packaging, no product. Elitist douche. Lion. Complete freak of nature.
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The One True b!X is a sixteen-year resident of the Portland of Oregon born forty-three years ago in upstate New York. A devout agnostic and misanthrope who aspires to be an at least passable humanist, he believes that cynicism is frustrated optimism, resulting only from first believing that people are capable of better and then too often being proved wrong. He also believes this is why the small, every day courtesies matter.
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He neither bikes nor dances nor dates nor drives nor drugs nor sexes nor swims. He does, occasionally but with an increasing rarity, drink. Since the death of his father, he no longer smokes. He is a life-long resident of Red Sox Nation who, when not wearing his baseball cap, no longer instead can be recognized by his now-retired porkpie. He still has most, but most assuredly not all, of his teeth.
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If events were pictures and emotions were sounds, his memories would play as silent movies.
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Rolling Stone felt compelled to call attention to his “long black eyelashes” and “face that sees very little sun”, deeming him “a kid from upstate New York with a quick wit”. A public relations professional said he was a “sissy”. Bruce Sterling referred to him as a “punk”.
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As a child, he wanted to become an outer space moving van driver. As an adult, he is not one.
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By the Oxford English Dictionary definition of “slack” as the amount of time in critical path analysis by which a particular event may be delayed without delaying the achievement of the overall objective, he considers himself a slacker. To this day he has yet to determine the overall objective.
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After the pioneering effort of Hands Off! the Net, the worthwhile failure of the Millennium Cafe, the celebrated success of Portland Communique, the landmark creation of Can’t Stop the Serenity, and years of engaging the wilds of fandom, including the official Evil League of Evil website, under the banner of Myrln Books he currently is preparing his late father’s unpublished novels for Kindle, print-on-demand paperback, and web serialization. One day, he still would like to find an artist to complete his Serenity fan comic.
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He continues quite unreasonably to believe in Mia, although the world has forgotten about her.
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His photography has appeared in or been used by The Portland Mercury, The Progressive, Portland Opera, Atomic Arts, Newsarama, Nerdist, The Guild, Alan Tudyk, and the Portland Tribune; and by Titan Books in their official Firefly and Dr. Horrible companion volumes.
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He strongly suggests helping to bring both equality and mercy to a world forever in too much need of them.
Apparently there is only One True b!X and we should stop worshipping false b!Xes. I had a golden b!X calf that was so cute, but it’s eBay bound.
–Joss Whedon
