Accept no substitutes. Might or might not be twitchy, unreliable-looking. All packaging, no product. Elitist douche. Lion.

The One True b!X is a fifteen-year resident of the Portland of Oregon born forty-two years ago in upstate New York. A devout agnostic and misanthrope who aspires to be an at least passable rationalist, he believes that cynicism is frustrated optimism, resulting only from first believing that people are capable of better and then too often being proved wrong. He also believes this is why the small, every day courtesies matter.

He neither bikes nor dances nor dates nor drives nor drugs nor sexes nor swims. He does, occasionally but with an increasing rarity, drink. Since the death of his father, he no longer smokes. He is a life-long resident of Red Sox Nation who, when not wearing his baseball cap, sometimes can be recognized by his porkpie.

If events were pictures and emotions were sounds, his memories would play as silent movies.

Rolling Stone felt compelled to call attention to his “long black eyelashes” and “face that sees very little sun”, deeming him “a kid from upstate New York with a quick wit”. A public relations professional said he was a “sissy”. Bruce Sterling referred to him as a “punk”.

As a child, he wanted to become an outer space moving van driver. As an adult, he is not one.

By the Oxford English Dictionary definition of “slack” as the amount of time in critical path analysis by which a particular event may be delayed without delaying the achievement of the overall objective, he considers himself a slacker. To this day he has yet to determine the overall objective.

After the celebrated success of Portland Communique, the landmark creation of Can’t Stop the Serenity, the worthwhile failure of the Millennium Cafe, and a decade of engaging the wilds of fandom, including the official Evil League of Evil website, he currently has nothing creatively compelling to offer.

His photography has appeared in or been used by The Portland Mercury, The Progressive, Portland Opera, Atomic Arts, Newsarama, Nerdist, The Guild, Hammer Improv, and Alan Tudyk; and by Titan Books in their Firefly and Dr. Horrible companion volumes.

Apparently there is only One True b!X and we should stop worshipping false b!Xes. I had a golden b!X calf that was so cute, but it’s eBay bound.
— Joss Whedon